'I think it's important that people don't feel alone.'

But I think everyone has experienced solitude and isolation at least once.

Updating my online store was the only progress I've made today. Was supposed to continue with the BI assignment that's due tomorrow but procrastinated. Again. I've literally wasted the entire day. Okay, not completely. I've added tons of stuff on the store site and updated my Carousell listing as well. My Pull&Bear skinny jean along with some failed trash dress I got awhile back made the list. Already two people are interested in the latter. 

I pondered quite a bit over the content of today's post. But nothing of importance came to mind. Today seems so mundane and it's yet to be over. I wish more people knew about The Modest One. I envy entrepreneurs. They always seem to make it; accomplishing so much within moments. I wish I was like that. I've noticed my sister writing. Like story-writing. It's kinda piqued my interest a little bit. I used to love writing. But no motivation or ideas came to me. It felt like permanent writer's block and I succumbed to it. Yay me. I've been breaking out a lot recently. What could get worse than that. My skin's finally getting back to normal and by normal I mean clear so little zits that pop up now and then truly agitates me. Not sure if its the products I've been using but nothing new has been introduced in my skincare regime. Oh. I just remembered. It's probably caused by what I'm about to say (or write). For the past few days now, I've been making a habit out of napping with my makeup still on. Yeah. I don't know if people actually do this but it's gross (and yet I dare commit it). I've seen videos on YouTube about makeup gurus going about their day which for some does involve napping and they have makeup on. It's probably bad for the skin but wow I still do it anyway.

I think partly why I do it is cos it actually feels like I'm not wearing any. Ever since I purchased the Elf HD Loose Powder, it's made me skin soooo smooth. Like halfway throughout the day I can just swipe my finger across my face and it won't feel oily and greasy like before which is something I honestly never thought I'd experience cos my face is literally an oil refinery. I am not even kidding. #oilyfaceprobs

This miracle could also be behind me using a primer? Okay it's not officially a primer but nonetheless, I consider it be. I surrogate one with the Tea Tree Blemish Fade Night Lotion from The Body Shop. Pretty cool, huh. I read some blog posts that it could be alternated as one cos of its texture. And I completely agree.

Ugh dying I should budge for my assignment now.

Hiya. Another dull day. Actually, no sadder than most. Obviously started out with me reaching school half an hour after lab started. The escalator wasn't working and that meant hills of stairs I'm not even joking. But seeing Rice justified all that. I saw him at the top just as I was about to tackle those steps and planned not to look up when we crossed but he said hi then I said hi and then he seemed to want to say something else cos he kinda paused but I waved and went on. It's not that I don't like him, it's quite the opposite actually. And who does better in setting false hopes than my mind. Avoid at all costs. I felt bad for a while. He probably thought I was rude or something. The day wore on. Of course, no Maggie. God for like the 1673647587456347563847th time this week. Crushes suck. They wear you out and make you over-think. Plays with your head all the damn time. We ended up not staying to do our BI Assignment. Everyone was beat. After a scrumptious meal of fried rice and Nutella-spread waffles (accompanied by the lovely Joel- he was in a good mood today) all of us headed for home. I read a bit on the train and fell asleep the remaining way. When I alighted guess who I saw; Gabriel. Who from school lives around here anyway?! I was so confused and in awe I didn't think it was him. I so badly wanted to say hi but.... he ignored me. Just strode straight on his eyes set forward like I wasn't even there. Those who know me  KNOW I don't fancy saying hi or initiate small talk with people but since we weren't in school (far from it actually which ugh catalysts it even more) but gosh it was Gabriel. Used to fancy him ever so slightly then I found out how ignorant he could possibly become. Life sucks.

"Another woman’s beauty is not the absence of your own."

Good evening friends. I've decided to try updating here every single day. Just cos. Today wasn't as eventful as I thought. It was a normal school day, we only had one lesson for 2 hours and that was it. Nothing blog-worthy. A was going to attend the talk for the Shanghai FedEx internship. I guess she's getting back at us for China. I don't blame her. We would've done the same thing. After class we lingered a bit. And I ended up following C and L for their bus ride. They had lunch and wow how we discussed final year. I don't think there's anything else we can do about switching or swapping. 

I didn't think I made it clear about this whole final year situation. Basically, for third year everyone will be split into two main portions; the internship program (IPP)/final year project (FYPJ) and academic which mean lessons. That'll determine what you're going to do for first semester. L and I had gotten IPP/FYPJ while C had received the latter. Which obviously sucked cos it was our last year, last lap why not go through it together. We spoke to everyone who had relations to this stupid system and none would hear us out. That's when we realised it was kinda rigged from the start. Normally (I swear) those people in charge would give the students a chance to y'know get grouped with their closer friends. The vile people in charge of our batch apparently doesn't have hearts.

C told me something our mentor said a few semesters ago. She was aware of our inseparable bond and warned C I won't be sticking with her for long. In fact, it sounded like she had already wanted to intentionally split us. Dream come true. But they weren't ultimately cruel to the point of isolation. They made sure we had someone to count on; which explained why I was with L and C with D. Still, bet they're looking forward to our impending doom.

I apologise for not using proper names. I feel weird using them. Maybe in the future I'll consider adding false names.

Anyway, I won't be seeing L for half a year. His schedule's slightly different from the rest of us. So it doesn't matter. Still destined to be alone anyhow. After lunch, we bought groceries and whoop-dee-doo did someone lose her train pass AGAIN. Bloody hell, my third time now. God, no wonder me mum resents me. I accompanied C home cos I didn't have anything planned for the rest of the day anyway despite the 25% quiz due tomorrow. Priorities.

I suppose I should get some studying done now. Wonder how I'll fare.

x

“Boys cry
Cigarettes do kill,
parents lie,
boats sink,
flowers die,
Life goes on,
with or without you.”

It was rather an unpleasant day. We found out how we were being allocated next year. I honestly didn't think I'd be separated from C. I mean there were so many of us. What were the odds of us being split into the 2 categories? All of it. 

The only other person I had was L but he had a completely different schedule and could only join me during classes. I wouldn't be seeing him throughout internship or final year project. And that would take up to half the bloody year. There literally wasn't anyone else that I knew. They all gotten C's sector. How come it was only me.

I think it pathetic I cried. Everyone was bummed out about it. L was separated from D too. But, he'd manage. I, on the other hand; wouldn't last 5 minutes on my own.

This isn't some stupid project that we had to submit by the end of the semester. I wish it was. I really wish it was. But this. It's something else- totally out ugh work and adulthood and strangers and adapting and maturing and being alone and working with people you're not familiar with and I know I can't go through all of it on my own. Not emotionally or mentally. 

Those pricks who bullied and tormented my first year will be there. Tell me how anyone can be put through that. Everyone already knows everyone. It just happens my everyone isn't with me. 

Who knew tears could taste so bittersweet.