I hate it when I get so caught up from reading that when I'm doing some other thing, I find myself missing some sort of adventure. Like, as if I was previously involved in something interesting and I should get back to it.

Has anyone felt that way? It only happens when I read though. I'll totally forget it was a story. And I'll keep having this feeling like I was doing something way fun before and I need to get back to it. But what?

A book.

This one time, the whole day I couldn't concentrate in class. My mind kept insisting I go find some guy(I forgot the storyline) and follow him around or something like I should see what he does next. The whole time I felt puzzled and confused like what the hell? What guy? The title or the fact that it was a hundred per cent fictional did not pop into my head. Instead, the story does and it seems so real life since I was oblivious to the fact that it was entirely made up.

Eventually, I'll figure the whole thing out and there isn't anything more heart-breaking than learning that, hey, your life's pretty dull after all.

Nothing ever happens.

You're so focused and intent on discovering something foreign or just out of the norm that you even forget it's something temporary from the start. Books are imaginary adventures. I take it nothing's more dangerous than misleading what you have in your head.

It just sucks when you get to the end of a book cus for awhile, you don't really do anything. You just stay there and stare off into space for a while. And in that moment, words can never describe what you're thinking in your head, or what you're feeling in your heart.

Sometimes, you'll find yourself reacting to some endings like, "That's it?!" and other times, you'll feel whole and content; like no other ending in this universe could've suited it perfectly.

This just makes up one tiny fragment of what you're possibly thinking in that said moment.

I think the saddest part is knowing you'll have to leave all of this imagination behind.

Books and their stories don't go on forever.

I'll always feel the characters can just go back and live their amazing story-book life where it seems much more content and pleasant.

While the reader has to close the book and return to face facts of existence.

But nothing could ever make the reader exchange what they've experienced, at least that's how I always feel once I've flipped the last page.

I leave with a sigh, think of how boring life is without the story anymore and slowly let it drift away from my mind.

x

I'll be flying abroad to Guangzhou, China the following Monday for a school trip. School trips ought to be thrilling and fun; at least, I thought they were. Especially being overseas and all. Somehow, this isn't the case at all. Instead of feeling excitement, I literally feel anxious and afraid. Part of this has the media to blame with the recent airplane crashes. With all those accidents, I guess who wouldn't be nervous right?

The excursion will last for 2 weeks. We'll be sight-seeing, shopping, attending classes at the polytechnic there, not to mention visiting Hong Kong Disneyland! I'm only looking forward to that last part really. Time is ticking way too fast. Before I know it, I'll be dumping my suitcase in the boot of my father's car about to head to the airport.

I'm always thinking of what I'd do there, how I'd feel, whether I'd be homesick. It scares me to think of missing home on the first night! Nothing gets worse than reminding yourself of the next 13 days that you'll have to endure. I pray to God I won't get my roommate all upset and homesick. Man would that be depressing.

I don't know whether I should continue this post. Just makes me even more ..sad. Adios.

My very first entry for this very new blog. Why blog?

Many fail to possess that one friend or spouse or soul mate to confide their feelings, unspoken words to. I, for one, fall short into this miserable category. Well, it isn't always miserable; some days you enjoy your sole company, other days not so much. This day suits the latter. That's probably how this whole blog thing came up.

Since this is my first entry why not get to know a little bit more about me. I'm 18 and am at that phase where you're clueless on what your next step in life should be. Should you fulfill what your parents want? What you think is right to want? Or the selfish, aimless route- 'what I want'.

I'm currently in my second year of pursueing tertiary education. One more year and its choosing paths time: further studies route (university) or work force lane. I am not at all thrilled at the idea of picking up another set of lecture notes or having to memorise paragraphs of what may potentially come out for the next crucial test or overthinking whether or not my self-proclaimed 'best friend' hates me. I am done with school. A 143% done with it. But is it wise?

I'm not saying I'm going to quit school forever but I guess the message I'm trying to relay is it's not something I want to do now. But is that my parents want to hear? Is that something my future self would regret doing? All this growing up slash end of teenage years slash adult life thing is starting to creep onto me. One day I'll wake up with no internal gut guide or place where I'm expected to be and be in a: "Holy shit what am I doing with my life" kinda state.

I don't want to start figuring life out when I'm done with school. I want to be able to plan it now in order to not waste time on all this figuring-out crap and have a head-start on whatever I have an interest in doing. Which isn't really going to happen (I don't think) because I literally don't have anything to set my mind onto doing. Nothing.

I've always entertained the thought of teaching from a religious angle. That is something I want to do; wouldn't say an interest but rather a duty. To whom? To god? To my parents? To myself? I'd say more towards the first and third but that doesn't matter. At this point, any reader would be in a state of confusion so excuse me. Anyway, teaching kinda sounded right up my alley (emphasis on kinda) and I suppose it definitely has something to do with the fact that my mother teaches too. She goes to all this centers and classes to teach and on other days her students come over too. I somehow got intrigued in this whole teaching business thing. Plus the cash earned is something worth looking into, just saying.

If someone were to ask me right now what my interests are, three things automatically pop up in my mind: Eating, sleeping, watching anime. I said in my mind cause no way will I be releasing this precious- or rather embarrassing piece of information out. All jokes aside though, I'm being pretty serious about this whole future dilemma. Sometimes I wish I could talk to someone who initially was exactly like me; didn't had much going on for them, didn't really possess a liking or had passion on something. Find out how they've made it this far (depending on how far they got) and most importantly: how they got started.